Questions, questions
Cheryl Unruh
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
I’ve just finished a novel by Padgett Powell called “The Interrogative Mood.” The book is made up entirely of questions. It has a single chapter, 164 pages, and one question after another.
Wouldn’t it be fun, I thought, to write a column of questions? Why not? In the spirit of “The Interrogative Mood,” shall we go for it?
When selecting a pet, would you prefer an ornate box turtle or an American bison? Does the poetry of Denise Low speak to your Kansas soul? If you could go back in time and live in a dugout on the plains, would you?
Do you eat pancakes on Shrove Tuesday? Given the choice of pancakes or waffles, which would you order? Have you ever tried peanut butter on pancakes?
Dakota sandstone or limestone? Did you participate in the streaking fad during the ’70s? Which has been the best decade of your life? Are you a person who wears cowboy boots to work? What do you miss most about your childhood?
Did you have a nickname when you were young? Was it a name you liked or did it embarrass you? Are you able to explain the difference between a New York strip and a Kansas City strip? What’s the longest period of time you’ve gone without eating meat?
Was Cecil Carrier the weatherman you grew up watching on TV? Do you have any idea who Major Astro was? Can you name any of the astronauts who’ve come from Kansas? Are small towns the perfect place to raise children, or do you think kids are better off in larger community with more opportunities?
Does the beginning of the Rock Chalk chant give you goose bumps? Do you have an irrational fear of mythical birds? If you absolutely could not stand the color purple, would you go to K-State anyway?
Are you the type of person who puts political signs in your yard during election season? If the residents of Americus were to take up a battle to host the county seat, would you rally on their behalf?
What is the opposite of Kansas? If you were to name the official Kansas sport, what would you choose? What’s your favorite line in “Home on the Range?”
Do you prefer the Red Hills, the Flint Hills or the Glacial Hills? At the Sommerset Café in Dover, would you order a fruit pie or one with meringue? On a scale of 1 to 10, how much does it bother you to drive into the setting October sun?
By and large, are you happier traveling on east-west roads or north-south roads? Are you disappointed that there aren’t more diagonal highways in the state? Does it give you satisfaction to see mile markers on the interstates, knowing you can calculate the mileage to your exit?
Have you ever had the opportunity to use a wooden outhouse? Do badgers frighten you? Would you prefer a German shepherd or a Labrador retriever? Have you ever dressed up as a “Wizard of Oz” character?
Are you able to easily locate the North Star? Are you aware of the new Kansas law in which a driver is not allowed to linger in the passing lane on a four-lane highway? Are you happy with that law or do you feel that legislators are micromanaging our driving habits, legislating courtesy?
Would you vote for chicken-fried steak as the state food? Do you find it troubling that there aren’t many jousting events in Kansas? Is there a little thrill that runs through your mind when you take note that Dwight Eisenhower was the 34th president from the 34th state?
Are you comforted or are you bored by the predictable geometry on the Kansas map? How many days of being snowed-in can you handle before going stir-crazy? Have you ever floated a Kansas river in a canoe?
Should street and highway snow removal be paid for by those who would benefit the most financially from dry and safe roads, namely automobile insurance companies? Have you ever climbed the 296 steps to the top of the dome of the Kansas Capitol building?
Do you consider the group Kansas to be one of the finest rock bands of the ‘70s? Does it please you or annoy you when TV shows and movies use the well-worn line, “We’re not in Kansas anymore?” And, finally, if you’re not in Kansas anymore, just where the heck are you?
“Flyover People” is online at www.flyoverpeople.net. Cheryl Unruh can be reached at cheryl@flyoverpeople.net.