NORMALLY, CHRIS AND I read everything each other writes for the paper before it’s published. He always gives me good perspective on issues I’m tackling in an editorial or column. I always check his spelling, grammar and sentence structure. It’s a good partnership. And I would never publish anything without having him read it first.
Until now.
That’s because — if you recall — a few weeks ago he wrote in “Friday Thoughts” a little blurb about his very own “GPS navigation device” that helped us get to and from our family vacation destinations this summer with ease. Specifically, he weighed the pros and cons of an inanimate, expensive electronic device that could mount on his dashboard (which he doesn’t have) with the one he does — his wife — who, despite his objections, “likes to add extra ‘editorial’ comments when [he takes] the wrong direction.”
This particular “Friday Thoughts,” however, managed to be published without passing by my desk first.
What Chris failed to remember was this: I work here too. And my cohorts/coworkers down here in the newsroom voted unanimously that it was about time something was published in the paper that was a bit of a surprise to the editor, for a change.
Thanks to them for making that possible today. Now, it’s my turn:
I don’t have much to add about Chris’ inability to navigate our minivan around the U.S. without my help. But I would like to share with our readers about another familiar vehicle to my husband that he, apparently, needs some assistance with as well -- his mower, also known as The Lawn Killing Machine.
In light of a painfully difficult wrestling match my husband had with his John Deere recently, I would like to consider the pros and cons of hiring a professional lawn service for a change:
• Professionals lawn mowers are precise. Instead of testing the maximum speed and turning radius of their mowing equipment, leaving strips and clumps of unmowed grass behind, professional lawn mowers take their time and take pride in a lawn that looks as if it’s been mowed by a piece of machinery, not a machete.
• Professional lawn mowers have the right equipment. When the grass reaches eye level, it can be cut without making a John Deere 955 diesel tractor look like our 2-year-old’s Fisher Price Laugh and Learn Mower trying to do the job.
• Professional lawn mowers work on a schedule. Whether we are home or away, they’re on a scheduled routine, minimizing the chances that our five acres of luscious green grass will be made into a one ginormous compost pile after being mowed.
• Professionals come and go with ease. “What’s Daddy doing out there,” one of our perplexed kids asked with concern, watching Chris and The Lawn Killing Machine do their job from inside the house.
• Professionals know when to call for help. OK, fortunately, so does Chris. It didn’t take long for him to realize he was out of his league on this particular day of lawn mowing, and he called for help immediately.
The EMT’s (Emergency Mowing Technicians) were out to our house in no time, administering an afternoon of first aid to our lawn — and a little lawn mowing guidance to my husband, for which we were both grateful.
I think Chris may be a little nervous about climbing back up on his mower later this weekend.
But if he’s smart, he’ll be even more apprehensive about trying to slip something like “Friday Thoughts” by me again. Like he said, there’s nothing quite like a good “GPS” to keep him in check.
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HenryVIII (anonymous) says...
What kind of able-bodied person can't even manage their own lawn? Hey everyone, let's all point and laugh at Chris! Ha ha! This article should strike a blow to your dignity. Way to take him down a peg, Ashley.
Get a room you two!...and I don't mean the newsroom!
'enry
September 25, 2009 at 2:30 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
madpoet (anonymous) says...
You go, girl!
September 25, 2009 at 2:33 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
seriouslyfolks (anonymous) says...
It's ok to be negative towards your male spouse in this day and age. After all women haven't gotten enough revenge for the suffering that the opressive men of the 1950's put their wives through. Todays women can work a horribly long work week in a job that makes them miserable and constantly think suicidal thoughts just like men do. It wasn't so back in the 50s. Women weren't allowed to go to a job that made them so miserable that they had to drink themselves to sleep every single night. Nope, men hogged all those soul sucking tasks to themselves and died younger as a result. What progress we've made that men are willing to share the burden of providing for the igrates with their spouse that constantly puts them down and degrades them to their friends.
R.
That's today's America.
September 25, 2009 at 9:53 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
create (anonymous) says...
Get a goat. Or two. Five acres of grass? Get a herd.
Then write a column about the cheese-making project you've begun. Artisan cheese is a big deal.
Make that grass profitable. No matter who mows it every week, just mowing it is just plain silly when grass + goat = milk.
What, no goats allowed? Uh oh, that's a negative thing.
seriouslyfolks, good one!
September 26, 2009 at 8:06 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
wild80 (anonymous) says...
A lot of women and mothers may I add would love to get some fresh air and a suntan by mowing the lawn, but that would mean the husband watching the kids for it to happen. I know some would be totally fine with this but some would not. So before you open your mouth and tell the wife to mow it herself make sure you are willing to take the 3 or 4 kids somewhere so she can!
September 26, 2009 at 8:45 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
seriouslyfolks (anonymous) says...
Television.
September 26, 2009 at 9:16 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
reddog (anonymous) says...
What a revolt'n development this is.
September 26, 2009 at 1:03 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )