Double Blessing
Friday, November 13, 2009
Emporian Jessie Wagoner has been blessed by adoption two times over — she was adopted at 10 days old and she adopted her son, Sylas, when he was 3 days old.
November is National Adoption Month, and Wagoner, who works as a child advocate at SOS, decided to share her and Sylas’ story to promote adoption.
Wagoner was born in Norton and was then adopted and raised in Emporia, where she has remained. Her son, who is now 19 months old, was adopted after he was born in Kansas City on Good Friday. After three adoption attempts, Wagoner got a call at 3 p.m. on Easter Sunday informing her that a baby had been born and asking her to come get him by 7 p.m. in Kansas City. Wagoner agreed, and brought baby Sylas home at 3 days old. Sylas’ adoption was arranged through an adoption agency in Kansas City.
“I kinda always thought I would adopt since I was adopted,” Wagoner said.
Wagoner wanted an open adoption, which is an adoption where contact is maintained with the birth family. Sylas’s adoption is open, and Wagoner talks to the birth mother frequently as well as sending her pictures about every six weeks and meeting with the birth family in person from time to time. Sylas’ birth mother has a daughter who is 13 months older than Sylas, so the children get to play together when they meet in person, Wagoner said.
“I felt open adoption worked well for me,” Wagoner said as Sylas was looking at books nearby. “I needed her to know that he was OK. It’s hard for me to know that the thing that brought me the greatest joy brought her a lot of pain. It was really hard for her.”
An open adoption also allows Wagoner to ask questions of the birth mother if she needs to — especially because both are single mothers.
“It’s been so nice to be able to call her and have her give me advice,” Wagoner said. “We are good partners.”
The process to adopt was an extensive one for Wagoner. She went to an adoption class and did a mass of paperwork, she said. Then she had to have an extensive home study. After she was approved following the home study and meetings with friends and family, it was exactly a year before she adopted Sylas.
“I did so much to prepare,” Wagoner said.
Before adopting Sylas, Wagoner prepared a profile of herself, her home and her life for the birth mothers to look at. She specified her belief system and that she wanted an open adoption. Sylas’ birth mother chose Wagoner.
After bringing Sylas home, Wagoner went through the emotions and fatigue of nearly every parent, especially because she is a single adoptive parent.
“It took me awhile to realize I don’t have to be perfect,” she said. “I just have to love him. It’s a total different life. There’s never a dull moment, that’s for sure.”
As his mother was talking, Sylas pulled out book after book to show guests and requested to be read to, laughing and smiling at a book that giggles when a button is pushed.
Wagoner said she knows she was meant to be Sylas’s mother.
“It’s funny with adoption how you match up,” she said. “His personality and mine just match up.”
Wagoner matches up well with the birth family, too, she added. She didn’t know it at the time of the adoption, but her path had crossed with the birth family. Wagoner is a good friend of the birth mother’s cousin. She sent the cousin a birth announcement when Sylas was brought home, not knowing the connection at the time.
“It was just meant to be,” Wagoner said. “I just think Sylas is really lucky. He has a lot of people to love him. I think at the end of the day you can never have enough people in your corner.”
There are a lot of misconceptions about adoption, Wagoner said.
“I would tell anybody to strongly consider adoption,” she said. “So many kids out there need homes, especially older kids. I would encourage people to take a leap of faith. I really think every child needs a permanent family.”
A lot of people worry about bonding, Wagoner said. She said she worried about not bonding with her son, but has no doubt now.
“There is no doubt in my mind that bonding happened,” she said. “Now that I have him I can’t imagine having a child any other way.”
Many people still think it takes years to adopt a child, but for Wagoner it was only a year after she was approved.
“The process is about communication,” she said. “I think you can’t be afraid to say what you want.”
Another misconception is that the birth mother will come and take the child back when he or she gets older.
“That is so rare,” she said. “There are still so many misconceptions of what adoption is like. It’s really not as scary as it is sometimes portrayed.”
Wagoner said she plans to adopt again.
“I can’t imagine not having more,” she said. “He’ll have to have at least one buddy.”
Comments
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Posted by keasha (anonymous) on November 13, 2009 at 3:08 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Congratulations Jessie!
Letting people know the process helps to dispell a lot of misconceptions. You are correct in today's society things have certainly changed as far as adopted parents staying in touch with birth parents. Even if just for the health issues involved. Each family can now make their own decisions as far as contact. Many adopted children have grandparents, aunts, uncles, or either of their biological parents who wish to stay in contact with the child. I have an adopted grandson who I am allowed to stay in contact with. Thank you for sharing your experience!
Posted by reality (anonymous) on November 13, 2009 at 4:18 p.m. (Suggest removal)
How much did it cost? From things I have heard it is very expensive to adopt, which eliminates many families.
Posted by MamaOfSylas (anonymous) on November 13, 2009 at 5:01 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Thank you Brandy and the Gazette for sharing our adoption story! Sylas is such a great blessing in my life. I'm always so grateful for positive adoption coverage in the media.
Reality the response I always give to the $ questions is that Sylas is priceless. There are so many grants, low interest loans, and no fee adoption programs out there that the financial piece of adoption should never be a deterrent for families. If there is a will there is a way and there are many resources available to help families hoping to adopt.
I hope that more people will consider the adopting. Many children are still waiting for a home to call their own.
Posted by oh4theluvof (anonymous) on November 13, 2009 at 11:01 p.m. (Suggest removal)
An employee of SOS might have access to that financial info that others do not as it is a resource organization. Could you be more specific about who to contact about them?
Posted by MamaOfSylas (anonymous) on November 14, 2009 at 5:29 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Oh 4 the luv of I'm not sure exactly what info you are asking for but some good adoption resources that I've used in the past are www.adoptuskids.com and http://www.affordingadoption.com/grants.... I hope that helps. If I can answer any other questions I'd be happy too.
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