The Emporia Gazette

February 13, 2012

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I STARTED thinking about this a few weeks ago while I was changing all the clocks to accommodate the idiocy of daylight saving. (Let’s see — fall forward but spring back?”). No one even tries to explain the alleged reasoning for it any more.

Our watches — not a major problem. Then, the antique clock on the mantle, bequeathed to us by Edna’s aunt, rewound by hand once a week, must be reset, a bit more complicated.

But now, all the electronic marvels in the house, to say nothing of the timepieces in our cars and trucks. (Usually, I have to consult the owner’s manuals in the case of the vehicles. Much easier to do the reset than to locate HOW via the complicated owner’s manuals. By the time I learn, we’ve traded cars and I start over again).

Back to the house — there are clock/timers on both the oven and the microwave. Not difficult, but a bit tricky to program them to the SAME time. We determine actual time, punch it in on one and there’s a 60-second window to which to dash over, program the other and activate it also. Fancy footwork does it, and usually, they’re within a minute of the same time.

We have one appliance, the VCR in our den, which is programmed to notice daylight saving time and reset itself automatically. (Will wonders never cease?) But it’s a bit overeducated and self-impressed, I guess. It becomes impatient to show off its abilities and converts back to God’s time one week early each fall. Then (likely with some degree of embarrassment) it realizes its error and REPEATS the change the following weekend. We never know whether it’s coming or going and must again reset it by hand, electronically, of course.

Then comes the resetting of the radio-alarm clock in the bedroom, which is critical. We both have jobs that often entail early rising and responsibilities that require accurate arrival or contact. It’s a bit tricky to reset the alarm feature, but nothing to compare to the psychotic, self-important VCR.

All that remains now are a couple of battery-driven clocks in the bathroom and in my study. They’re easy. I usually forget the travel alarm in my shaving kit which goes with us when we travel. It is usually reset in a motel somewhere down the road, at a future date. At last, all are synchronized. Big deal!

But, there’s the memory of the importance of such a thing in a military situation. In that context, it may be a matter of life and death. I can recall an old sergeant, as we began each maneuver in basic training, mountain troops. He would gather the platoon around him to synchronize our watches. But, Sarge always mispronounced it: “Okay, everybody scrutinize your watches!”

Nobody had the nerve to correct Sarge about anything, so we SCRUTINIZED our watches. I still think of that when I scrutinize our clocks, spring and fall.

We are completely at the mercy of our timepieces, planning our day around a responsibility that will occur at a specific hour. Maybe a meeting that we can’t afford to miss or a TV program or sports event we’re looking forward to.

As a kid, I used to read a lot of science fiction. One of the themes most popular was the threat of unbelievingly smart machines taking over the world from the geniuses who invented them. Hardly a century ago, many American families had no timepieces at all. A man with a pocket watch was assumed to be a highly successful professional. Wrist watches were virtually unknown. A day was times by the sun and events were scheduled by morning, afternoon or evening. Only the mail train ran on time. A few minority subcultures still honor the Old Ways and the meeting will start “when the time comes” but for all practical purposes, I’m afraid the machines have already taken over the world.

See you down the road.

Author and columnist Don Coldsmith lives in Emporia.