Laughter is the Best Medecine
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tuesday's late-night wrap-up of election jokes
LOS ANGELES (AP) _ As the presidential campaign enters its final week, late-night TV hosts aren't letting up.
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"Barack Obama is encouraging his supporters to take Election Day off so they can help him get out the vote. A lot of Americans said they were already planning to take the day off, 'cause they don't have a job." — Conan O'Brien, NBC's "Late Night."
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"One week to go. One week from today, the election. As a matter of fact, earlier this morning, they, down in Florida, unloaded the crooked voting machine. So they are in midseason form." — David Letterman, CBS' "Late Show."
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"I guess there seems to be some trouble brewing between Sarah Palin and John McCain. McCain aides say that Sarah Palin is 'going rogue' and not taking advice or notes from the McCain campaign. They say it is hard to keep her from going off script and making statements that hurt the campaign. It's gotten so bad her Secret Service code name is now 'Joe Biden.'" — Jay Leno, NBC's "Tonight Show."
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"Tomorrow night Barack Obama is buying a half-hour commercial on CBS, NBC and Fox. Not on ABC, though. I think it is because they've got 'Dancing with the Stars.' That's where viewers can watch an elderly person make a fool out of themselves and then get voted out of the competition. Which is completely different from the election, of course." — Craig Ferguson, CBS' "The Late Late Show."
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"Republicans are warning voters right now, that if Barack Obama is elected president the Democrats will control all three branches of the government. John McCain said this would be dangerous, Dick Cheney said it would be expensive, and Sarah Palin said, 'There's three branches of government?'" — O'Brien.
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"Sarah Palin made three campaign stops today: Saks, Neiman Marcus and Bloomingdales." — Leno.
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"Here's how it works. Election is Tuesday. And then Wednesday is the first day of Sarah Palin's 2012 campaign." — Letterman.
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"Sarah Palin told a crowd yesterday, when campaigning she doesn't wear her wedding ring because the shape of it hurts her finger when she's shaking a lot of hands. And Bill said to Hillary, 'See! I told you I wasn't making it up.'" — Leno.