Sunday sermon
Rev. Al Areheart
Originally published 01:53 p.m., May 16, 2008
Updated 01:53 p.m., May 16, 2008
Let’s take one more look at parenting in celebration of Mother’s Day. Parents really matter! In Exodus 20:5 and 6, the Bible teaches that bad parents will impact to the third and fourth generation and that godly parents will impact thousands.
We have powerful influence, but I don’t believe that generational blessings are a guarantee or generational curses a rigid trap. Consider Ezekiel 18. The Israelites are complaining about being punished for their fathers’ sins. The prophet writes, “the soul who sins will die.” A summary would be — God rewards good children of bad parents and punishes the bad children of good parents. The Biblical tension to generation consequences is individual accountability. Having poor parents is not a “Get Out of Jail Free” card that we play to avoid culpability for our actions.
If you have suffered neglect or abuse from your parents, I am truly sorry. Every person deserves the strength and security that comes out of a healthy home. A healthy home is a force for incredible good; not to have that experience is a tragedy.
I believe that good healthy parenting is the best gift you can give your child. Many zealous parents have gone to the opposite extreme. They have been nicknamed “helicopter parents.” These are parents who are extremely involved in the lives of their children. They rush in to prevent any harm or failure befalling their children. Their name comes from their propensity to “hovering” rarely out of the reach of their children, whether they are needed or not. “Black Hawks” has been coined for the extremists who cross the line to unethical behavior like doing their children’s homework or writing their college admission essays.
I truly believe that this out-of-balance parenting will not produce well-rounded and mature children for four reasons:
First, you will increase the future relational pain in the life of your child. Think about future relationships — teachers, roommates, employers, and spouse that your child will have. You may operate as if your child is the center of the universe, but others will not. The future pain because of unrealistic subconscious or conscious expectations will be great.
Second, helicopter parents put an undue emotional stress on their children. I listened recently to a young woman share about growing up in this type of home. She spoke of her parents looking to her for their happiness and blaming her if they were not happy. A child was not created to bear that kind of responsibility. I believe that parents owe it to their children to control the emotional center of the home. We are the adults here! Children are all over the page in their emotions. They are children!
Third, your children will not develop the necessary resilience for real life if they are sheltered from challenges along the way. Mel Levine, professor of Pediatrics at UNC medical school, has stated that he believes these (helicopter) children are being coddled and protected to a degree that threatens their ability later in life to strike off on their own and form healthy relationships and proper job skills.
Fourth, the concept of authority needs to be built into the lives of children. Children need love and nurturing, but also need to learn to relate to authority. It seems that hovering parents have a hard time functioning as authorities in the lives of their children. Children develop their view of authority from their parents and it will color how they see future authority structures in their lives — their teachers, their coaches, the umpires, the policemen and ultimately, God.
Being a parent is an awesome responsibility. I have a vision of children with healthy parents who can be the authority without abusing their children and develop children who can relate well to God and man. In Matt 22:37-39, “Jesus replied, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” May this be the blessing that we pass on to our children!
“Sunday Sermon” is a forum for Emporia area ministers to share their sermons, thoughts and observations. This week’s sermon is from the Rev. Al Areheart of Twelfth Avenue Baptist Church.