Conquering the inner beast
Bev Cress
Originally published 01:34 p.m., July 8, 2008
Updated 01:34 p.m., July 8, 2008
“Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back--in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.”
— Frederick Buechner
Anger is something that every human being has in common. We all feel it, whether we experience it as a mild irritation or in a full-tilt rage. And as with other emotions, anger is accompanied by physical changes. Since anger is meant to prepare us to fight, our bodies release adrenaline and cause our heart rates and blood pressure to increase. On an occasional basis this is not a problem, but if it occurs frequently it can create not only social difficulties but also physical problems.
Since it is a given that all of us will experience anger, the question is, “How do I manage my anger so that it does not harm my loved ones or myself?”
There are three basic methods for managing anger—- expressing it, suppressing it, and calming oneself. According to the American Psychological Association,
“Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.
Anger can be suppressed and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn’t allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven’t learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren’t likely to have many successful relationships.
Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.”
So, how can you tell if you have an anger management issue? There are tests to assess anger management problems, but chances are if you have anger issues, you probably know it. If you feel that your anger gets out of control or is causing you difficulties in your work or relationships, you may want to consider getting some help to control your response. Classes on anger management are available from a variety of sources or a therapist can teach you different techniques that will help you to handle your anger in a more acceptable and effective manner.
By managing your anger rather than allowing it to be in control, you can avoid being the “skeleton at the table”.
F This column is provided by the Mental Health Center of East Central Kansas. For more information, brochures, or to request a speaker for your organization, contact Bev Cress at (620) 343-2211 or bcress@mhceck.org.