Bottled water
Don Coldsmith
Monday, September 10, 2007
Back a few years ago, there was a comedian who, as part of his act, cast ridicule of tourists in the area he represented. The Ozarks or hillbilly country, as I recall. His laughs were at the naive tourists who bought their healing “spring water” in a bottle. The phrase I recall referred to “us ignorant hillbillies sell’n crick water to them brilliant Yankee tourists.” Jeff Foxworthy was his name.
Well, I don’t know. Maybe Foxworthy was ahead of his time, but everybody is finding it necessary now to carry a bottle all the time. Look at a bunch of teenagers or young adults, and every one will be carrying a plastic bottle and constantly removing the cap to take a swig. There are other ground rules, too. Apparently it’s forbidden to completely EMPTY one of these. Disposal of these partially consumed beverages is simply by tossing the bottle out of the car window. The shoulder of the road or street is the target, but one does not get points for accuracy.
Now, what are the contents of these in-style containers, which makes it mandatory for a teen to use several during a day of school? Well, we can read contents on the label, right? Not hardly — there is a lot of prose on that label, all about the great benefits of Acme drinking water or whatever. Usually, not a clue as to its source or its contents. I thought there was some sort of a law that required that the ingredients of a container with liquid, as well as its source, must be listed. Apparently not.
This unwritten law also may cover the disposal of the container. To carry it until empty and then toss it into a trash container is apparently not cool. Even worse, it appears — to carry it until a trash can is encountered is obviously out of consideration.
Leave a little water in it and toss it where it can easily be seen, but where there’s a real problem picking it up. (As in heavy traffic.)
And, oh, yes, the contents. The label rambles on about the health benefits, but rarely a listing of what Acme Health Water (or whatever) actually might contain. Percentage or weight of the ingredients? Forget it.
I’m well aware of the benefits of plenty of water, especially, it’s essential to maintain hydration. There were once terms such as “heat stroke,” which amounted to little more than a chemical imbalance. In summer heat, we sweat. Not just water, but salt and an assortment of other minerals necessary for life. But this seems to bear no connection to the drinking of “bottled water” either.
And as I mentioned, ingredients are usually not listed by amounts or percentage. Just praise for their product — no source, even. It may be interesting to see how long this fad can last. I’d bet cool weather might once have made a difference, but now I’m not certain.
The whole thing takes me back to some experiences as a teenager in World War II in the South Pacific, a tour at government expense. Water was essential in the hot climate and as I look back after my education as a physician, I have to admire the management of the U.S. government in planning that campaign. When compared to the reality of the hazards of drinking water in the tropics, they had done a great job.
I wonder if Foxworthy is still selling “crick water,” or now just usin’ the hose — to fill those “designer bottles.”
See you down the road.
Author and columnist Don Coldsmith lives in Emporia.
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