“I’M CALLING for Ashley Walker,” said the voice on the other end of the line. “This is credit card services from (such and such) bank…”
Normally, I would politely refuse the solicitor and hang up.
But it was one of those days when a conversation with anyone over the age of 6 — even a telemarketer — was a welcome break from the daily grind.
Turns out the she wasn’t calling to offer me another credit card.
Instead, she was calling to inform me that someone else was trying to take mine.
Sure enough, after answering a series of questions I was stunned to hear that someone was trying to steal my identity, my line of credit and even some cash from my bank account!
At first I was angry. In addition to financial loss, I had heard that identity theft can take hours and hours and months and months of headache to untangle. That’s the kind of punishment the perpetrator should have to endure, not the victim.
And then I was confused. Why me?
I’m a stay-at-home mom, for goodness sake! While no one would argue that it’s the most important job on earth, it’s not the usual target of envy for most folks.
My job involves stinky diapers, middle-of-the-night feedings, sack lunches, spelling words, piano lessons, chore charts, time-outs, French braids, goodnight prayers and so much more.
And my paychecks are certainly nothing to break the law for, at least, if it’s a financial return you’re after. My compensation comes in the form of gratefulness, a “Thanks, Mommy, for cleaning up my throw-up,” or an “I luv u” scrawled in red lipstick across a freshly painted wall.
I guess I shouldn’t have been so surprised. Identity theft is about as common as the common cold these days. It doesn’t really matter who you are.
But what if it did?
Perhaps the business of identity theft might not be quite so alluring.
Because the next time my Identity thief tries to pass herself off as me, she’d be forced to take a little more of the whole package:
- Changing poopy diapers that smell like carrots and sweet potatoes? They’re yours.
- Enduring sleepless nights that melt into sleepless days over and over again? They’re yours, too.
- Finding one more variation on the peanut butter and jelly sandwich for a finicky 4-year-old? Go ahead, give it a try.
- And the vomit? Be my guest.
You see, the next time you try to cash a check in my name, you could just get more than you bargained for — the real Ashley Walker!
Ashley Walker’s e-mail address is walker@emporiagazette.com.
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