Surviving in the wreckage
Originally published 03:44 p.m., October 12, 2007
Updated 03:44 p.m., October 12, 2007
You’ve heard about the award-winning TV series, “Lost.” Stranded on an island after a plane crash, 48 people struggle to make their new life work, hoping each day for their rescue. Just a TV show, right?
Is real life all that different? We often feel like we're lost on a deserted island with a handful of people. While we struggle to make relationships work, we often feel stranded and alone, hoping someone will rescue us.
Recently I was on a plane that had to fly through a storm. On that flight I experienced a lot of turbulence. I don’t know about you, but I don’t enjoy the bumping, the sudden drops, and the abrupt sideways movement at several hundred miles per hour, and all this at twenty or thirty thousand feet in the air. After that flight I said to myself, “Never again.”
Some of you reading this have said that same thing after a bad experience in a relationship; “Never again.” Still, we were created for connection and closeness with others. The Bible gives insight into how we can survive the wreckage of relationships. Here are four practical ways to keep past wrecks from damaging future friendships.
First, practice “reckless forgiveness”. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.” Some may feel that to forgive quickly and thoroughly is reckless. We sometimes nurse our hurts, rather than surrendering them to Christ. However, the quicker and more thorough your forgiveness, the better your relationships work.
Second, value others more than yourself. In Philippians 2:3-4 the apostle Paul writes, “Don’t be selfish; don’t live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. Don’t think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing.” He’s telling us to put the other person first; it will make them feel valued, loved and cared for. As an added bonus, it gives you joy when you truly value your friend from your heart. Here’s a key – if the other person isn’t in your heart, they’re on your nerves! If you don't have your kids in your heart, they get on your nerves. If you don't have your spouse in your heart, they get on your nerves.
Third, commit to the hard work of relationships. No doubt about it, relationships are work, and sometimes very trying. In Ephesians 4:1-2 Paul says, “Therefore I… beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.” Simply arming yourself with the knowledge that you will have to work hard at times to keep from crashing and burning will help you when the going gets tough.
And fourth, commit to go the distance. Many who have experienced broken relationships in the past find they have developed a tendancy to “get out while the getting’s good”. That kind of thinking only sets you up for failure. In Proverbs 17:17, God says, “Friends love through all kinds of weather, and families stick together in all kinds of trouble.”
God wants us to experience the best in our relationships. That means relationships with one another as well as relationship with Him. He so loves people that He sent Jesus, His son, as a bridge for us to be connected with Him. Many have not just crashed and burned in relationships with others, but with God as well. Know this: Jesus Christ offers forgiveness for you. He values you above Himself as He demonstrated on the cross, dying on your behalf. He is committed to the hard work of being in relationship with you, and He is committed to go the distance with you.
If you would like to find help for surviving the wreckage of relationships, I invite you to join us from October 14 – November 18 for a series called “Lost,” as we discover God’s help when we “crash and burn” in our connection with others and with Him.
• “Sunday Sermon” is a forum for Emporia area ministers to share their sermons, thoughts and observations. This week’s sermon is from the Rev. Mike Knapp of the Hope Community Church.