Grandparents as Parents
Rachel Seymour
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Rachel Seymour
Jared Lehnherr, 11, hugs his grandmother - and adopted mother -, Becky Lehnher, at their home near the former town of Plymouth on Tuesday, March 20.
As they stand in their kitchen on a rainy Tuesday afternoon, 11-year-old Jared Lehnherr pinches the cheeks of 67-year-old Becky Lehnherr, his grandmother who is also his adopted mother.
“You’re old and wrinkly,” he teases her as he stretches her cheeks.
Lehnherr and her husband became Jared’s guardians when he was 8 1/2 months old and adopted him about a year later.
“At first it was hard to get used to having a baby in the house again, because you were getting up at night, feeding the baby every two hours,” Lehnherr said.
“You do just like you did when you were raising your other children; only you’re just a little bit older.”
The Lehnherrs are not alone. According to the American Association of Retired Persons, 2.4 million grandparents in the United States reported they are responsible for grandchildren living with them. About 4.5 million children live in grandparent-headed households. The situation of grandparents caring for their grandchild or grandchildren is on the rise nationally, AARP reported in July.
Rachel Seymour
Becky Lehnherr laughs at Jared, 11, her grandson, who is also her adopted son, after she had warned him to becareful swinging the necklace and then hit himself in the cheek Tuesday, March 20.
The report also said that in Kansas, 17,873 grandparents reported they are responsible for grandchildren living with them.
“We got legal guardianship in order for his mother to get her life straightened out, and maybe to have him back in her own home, which did not work out,” Lehnherr said.
The Lehnherrs decided to adopt Jared after Social and Rehabilitation Services called about making plans to place Jared with an adoption agency.
Jared still has contact with his biological mother, who lives in Council Grove, as well as the Lehnherrs’ older children, which he refers to as his uncles and aunts.
Lehnherr and Jared are not hung up on the titles on their family tree, though.
Rachel Seymour
Becky Lehnherr helps her grandson - and adopted son- load his new bike from Wal-Mart into the car on Tuesday, March 20.
“When you are out in the public and people will say ‘Grandma’ when I am mom to him, we just go with the flow,” Lehnherr said. “If they say ‘Grandma’, we just take what they say and go with it. He’s good with that.”
Family titles might not make a difference, but age has a significant impact on grandparents like Lehnherr. She realizes she will not be around forever.
“The only drawback I feel, is that the older you get, the less you can do with this child. He has been in Scouting and I have been going to his campouts,” Lehnherr said.
“Now, he is going on into Boy Scouts, which kind of takes a little bit of pressure off of me, ’cause I don’t have to go on the campouts anymore.”
Lehnherr’s husband died in October 2005. He was “Dad” to Jared.
“I have a real dad, but I don’t know his name,” Jared said. “My grandpa, he was my dad.”
Jared learned to hunt and fish with his grandfather before a stroke in 2001 put the elder Lehnherr in a wheelchair.
“Even though he couldn’t get up and do anything with him anymore, Jared had him here to come in and show off his awards or new shirt or new outfit,” Lehnherr said. “He would build with his Legos and come in and show them to Dad. They just had a good relationship.”
As a single parent now, Lehnherr will soon take on the task of raising her sixth teenager. She’s already raised two of her own children along with three stepchildren. On top of preparing for Jared’s teenage years, she also is preparing Jared’s daily care and medication.
Jared has been diagnosed with ADHD, hypothyroidism, and epilepsy. As a retired nurse, Lehnherr is well-qualified to watch over Jared’s medications, which he takes twice a day.
So he could receive more individualized education at a smaller school, Lehnherr transferred Jared to Chase County Middle School last August.
They drive about a mile from their home near the former town of Plymouth, west of Emporia, to meet the school bus.
“The school is working with him on his testing, putting him in a room by himself to take his tests so that he won’t be distracted, because he gets distracted very easily,” Lehnherr said. “He has gone from Ds and Fs up to As and Bs and one or two Cs once in awhile.”
Jared had a severe epileptic seizure two years after he was adopted.
“He was 3 1/2 when he had a grand mal seizure and had to be intubated and life-flighted to Children’s Mercy,” Lehnherr said.
Said Jared, “I almost died and my throat swelled shut.”
He remains on medication, and he still has some seizures, but stays on his medication to prevent them.
As a grandmother and a mother, Lehnherr is doing her best to keep up.
“I just treat him like he was my very own,” Lehnherr said.
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