ALIENS. There definitely had to be aliens involved.
Or maybe it was Elvis. You know, the one from an alternate timeline who was working for the CIA to track Osama Bin Laden?
Either way, this has to be one of the 27 secret signs of the Apocalypse found beneath Tora Bora.
How else do you explain it when the Weekly World News goes under?
OK, that’s a little bit of overkill. America’s favorite purveyor of Bat Boy news has not completely left the building. The “exclusive” coverage of “The World’s Only Reliable Newspaper” will continue unabated online. But for those who read it cover-to-cover while waiting for the price check on Little Debbies, the newsprint version is about to become no more.
Ah, the tragedy.
If I sound a little less than heartbroken, forgive me. I’ve never really been much of a fan. At least, not since my filling was repaired and the top-secret UFO material was removed.
Besides, they didn’t need me. Even on a slow week, the Weekly World News used to be able to count on about 300,000 readers or so. And it always felt like most of them could be counted on to show up at the City Newsstand in Longmont, Colo., where I worked during college. After all, who could resist such hard-hitting exclusives as:
“Hillary Cheats on Bill with Space Alien!”
“Man Poses as CPR Dummy To Meet Woman!”
and of course:
“Bat Boy Leads Cops on Three-State Chase!”
To be fair, most people seemed to be buying it for the entertainment value. But there was always the occasional shopper that seemed to be reading it a little too closely, the customer whose hat you wanted to check for tinfoil just in case.
Alas, even UFOs piloted by Big Foot couldn’t save the Weekly from financial woes. These days, according to Reuters, the once-mighty tabloid has about 83,000 readers a week, a shadow of its glory days. Most tabloids are in a similar tailspin.
And banner headlines aside, I think I know why.
Reality got weirder than the World News ever dreamed of being.
Lurid celebrity gossip? Ever since O.J. Simpson and Monica Lewinsky, that’s become a standard of the mainstream media. Look up a certain hotel heiress on the Internet if you doubt it.
Outlandish, unbelievable headlines? Outdone by the culture of irony. The Onion, The Colbert Report and other satiric outlets now routinely serve up the bizarre and hilarious — with tongue firmly planted in cheek.
Bizarre stories from across the globe? These days, even the most sober news services have stories on cities suing street gangs, or astronauts flying drunk or nursing home cats that predict patient deaths.
When reality is just another television show genre, what chance does a tabloid have?
So farewell, Weekly World News. In an odd way, you were a sign of a simpler time, when a headline could scream about alien conspiracies and not be promoting a new TV series. A time when news was news, tabloids were tabloids, and it didn’t take a degree in media studies to tell one from the other.
Good luck in your electronic retirement. May your photos be foggy, your headlines large and your prophecies of doom always just around the corner.
And most of all ... may Bat Boy be with you.
Scott Rochat’s e-mail address is rochat@emporiagazette.com.
MelissaE (anonymous) says...
LOL! I will always remember the WWN as one that my g'parents bought......while serving us Dr. Pepper Floats.
I won't miss it on the tabloid displays, though. Anyone who pays attention knows what to look for as far as "real" journalism goes.
M
July 31, 2007 at 9:41 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )