A few modest proposals
James Hill
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
TO THE Emporia city government:
An article in the Gazette indicated that you welcomed comments about how to handle financing. I have some ideas and comments.
First of all, I’m on a fixed income. Read: “on the dole.” I’ve thought it sure would be nice to have a much newer car than the 2000 models I now have… so I’ll just write the Social Security administrator and tell him of my needs and of your needs, and just ask him, please, to increase my monthly check by 10 percent. When he does, I’ll be glad to send a piece of it right on to you. You can be sure to be watching for it, and we’ll both see it when Hell freezes over!
Everyone is thrilled to take a piece of the increased revenue whenever times are good, and that’s reasonable. But when times are hard, how many of those same people are willing to stay fixed, or even take a reduction in pay? Not very darned many. You of city government can set a good example for all other city employees by taking a serious cut in pay (25 to 50 percent) if you will return the remainder back to the budget to pay for some of the other things really needed. After all, it is the “head” of the unit that sets the principles for the rest of the group. Are you willing to be a leader? And in this philosophy, I am willing to take a 100 percent cut in pay for my service on the Natural Resources Advisory Board… The ball is in your court.
You can save money by cutting down on the great and glorious vehicles that city employees drive on their jobs. I’d be willing to do a little to help that. I have a 1953 Packard that I could donate and with a few dollars and a little fix-up, could be every bit as comfortable and classy as the big sedans and pickups that are now driven by city departmental heads and inspectors. It might even make other city people so jealous that they might also want an antique automobile in that new two-tone color scheme of “primer gray” over “primer red.” Hey, now, that’s class!
I can offer an idea that hasn’t been pushed. Close the big fish pond up there in the far NW corner of the city. Or alternatively make swimming free but stock it with alligators. Within a few years the gator crop will be worth far more than the many thousands of dollars it is now sopping out of our budget. Another use would be to just sell off the damn thing for home units and those will soon increase our tax base as well as eliminate that line item expense in the budget.
You can stop all of the decorative street resurfacing. Wait until a street really gets deep potholes before you do anything. Well, you’ve already started that — some streets I’ve seen in the poorer sections of town are even still graveled. Hey, I know of one that even has enough grass in the street itself that it either needs mowed or you could move some cattle from the nearby sale barn to graze in the street. Sleek fat cattle would soon bring higher prices now that alcohol is being made out of the corn.
OK, now that I’m done being silly, I’ll just leave you with the fact that you’re either gonna have to find a way to quit squeezing the goose (no more golden eggs) or find a different cow to give more butter — but you can’t continue taking from the people who are already drained to the limit.
Doug (anonymous) says...
YEAH!! Better yet, lets fire all city employees! They're just worthless bloodsuckers taking our tax dollars! Think how much money we could save if there were no city employees! I'll bet everyone on a fixed income would gladly patrol our streets, take everyone's trash to the dump, mow peoples yards that are overgrown and run all ambulance calls.
August 1, 2007 at 3:47 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Doug (anonymous) says...
Even better! We could sell those expensive ambulances and buy a fleet of PT Cruisers, without back seats to save money and the fixed income people could just throw the sick and injured in the back and just run them up to the hospital themselves. What great ideas! Thanks James Hill and you can take credit for all of these wonderful ways to save our city!
August 1, 2007 at 3:51 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
mythoughts (anonymous) says...
I get the joke - it's funny! Of course, we need our emergency services covered, and we need to feel (and be) safe and have access to the basics of life. It's too easy to blame the civil servant when often they are just providing the things we've asked them for. Of course, proper oversight is something we should expect and receive from our public officials and workers. Ethics, anyone?
I think any new vehicles bought for anyone with our tax dollars need to be hybrids or biofuels, and need to get the maximum mpg possible. They don't need a CD player, or fancy paint job on the side. Put the money into life-saving, criminal catching equipment, eh?
Raise taxes? Can't get blood from a stone.
August 1, 2007 at 4:28 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
emporian (anonymous) says...
Hybrids would have to be shipped out to be serviced, they cant just go to the city shop. It would actually be cheaper to have a regualr car. Same thing with E85 you gas milage goes down because ethanol doesnt get the BTUs that gas does. You have to burn more E85 to get the same performance as gas thus costing more money.
August 1, 2007 at 8:11 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Doug (anonymous) says...
So you're saying besides being bloodsuckers, all city employees have no ethics? FIRE EM! And what fancy paint jobs? I must have missed those.
August 1, 2007 at 10:43 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )