TODAY in Emporia, the International Astronomical Union was officially declared no longer an international union.
Under a decision announced by the hastily created International Union for Evaluation of International Unions, the astronomical union will no longer be considered to be a truly international or expert group. It will now be assigned to a new class of organizations called “unionettes.” The unionettes designation was created to classify organizations that fall into the gray area that has always existed between the traditional organizational power centers of the world — such as Halliburton and Starbuck’s — and small informal organizations such as coffee clubs and the Italian government.
The astronomical group is larger than a coffee club and more organized than the Italian government — both of which will continue to be classified as semi-organized flotsam — but clearly outclassed by larger organizations. That is why the new classification was created — to recognize the special status of the astronomical group and similar bodies, including the United Nations and Major League Baseball.
The decision by the IUEIU is certain to disappoint those who, for sentimental reasons, had for years argued to keep the astronomical group classed among the meaningful organizations of the world.
The astronomical group most recently came to the world’s attention last week, when its members voted to reduce the size of the solar system from nine planets to eight. The astronomers decided that Pluto, classified as a planet since its discovery by Kansan Clyde Tombaugh more than 70 years ago, wasn’t really a planet at all. The group’s reasoning was that Pluto was too small and much too far away to be a serious planet.
And besides, members said, it has a silly orbit.
In a related vote, the astronomical group decided to require Mars and Venus to swap orbits to make the solar system “prettier.”.
Asked if the redesignation would affect the astronomical group’s pronouncement about Pluto, an IUEIU spokesman said:
“I should think it would have to. After all, Pluto is much bigger and far older than the astronomical union. Who are people going to believe?
“I mean, if we allowed the astronomical unionette to foist this on the world, what would be next? Declare the moon a tricycle?
“That would be absurd!”
Patrick S. Kelley
Editorial Page Editor